


Lily

by mannana



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:57:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mannana/pseuds/mannana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>~~"A new chapter in his life? Hell this was a completely new book."~~</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lily

Rick paces the hallway waiting to hear something. The hallway is crowded with his family and their murmuring and whispers seem to echo off the walls, but the room ahead is silent. And he waits for something. Anything. Any sound to tell him she's alive. Because she has to be alive. There is no other option.

Finally he hears a small cry. Then another. And a moment later the door creeks open.

 

"It's a girl." Carol whispers and opens the door just enough for Rick to see the bundle cradled in her mother’s arms across the room.

The breath he's been holding for hours finally escapes as a sob and his knees nearly give out from under him. He holds his body upright against the door frame.

“I need to clean her up, but you can come in,” Carol speaks softly and steps back from the open door, not waiting for him to follow.

 

Daryl's there beside him. He's always there. He pats Rick’s shoulder and nods, it means "Congratulations", "I'm here brother" and "Go see her" all at once. Rick knows this because he and Daryl are one from the same tree. They’re brothers in every sense of the word. Words are rarely needed between the two, so this simple gesture, given by anyone else, might not have had the same effect.

His feet feel planted though, stuck to the wooden floor. He knows he has to move. Knows he should be running to her side. Running to see the little baby's face. But he remains stuck.

Daryl nudges him forward. "Go man, we got everything covered." And brings his crossbow to his shoulder to solidify his point.

And those are the words he needs. He limps forward on weak legs and cradles the doorknob in his hand. With a gentle push his whole life will change. And for an instant he can see Lori on the hospital bed holding Carl in her arms so many years ago. And he can see Maggie coming out the door of the prison holding little Judith while they all sobbed. But this time...this time is different.

 

A new chapter in his life? Hell this was a completely new book.

 

 

He steps into the room, looking at all the contents before him. A few dingy blankets, a bucket of water, stained rags, an old rocking chair, and the cot. The tiny cot that still looks as unfit as it had the day he found it. It is dull green and weathered and the legs don’t look as if they’d hold out much longer. He recalls pulling it into the back of the truck saying _“This shouldn’t be how she has a child…”_ to Daryl.

That seems so long ago.

Everything seems long ago.

 

 

“ _I feel like we’re being watched,” Beth whispers with a giggle as her lips collide with Rick’s again._

_“I think we are.” He replies and kisses her more passionately. He lets his fingers glide across her soft cheeks and thread through her blonde locks._

_And the feeling of her melting into his chest erases all concerns of prying eyes._

_At least, for a moment, because then the sound of laughter comes from the field behind them when Daryl clears his throat._

_“Get a damn room,” His voice always sounds raspy but the smirk he wears is one that makes Beth beam._

_Her cheeks burn hot and Rick laughs. A real laugh. One he hasn’t let loose in a very long time. He sees it affect her immediately. Her eyes perk up at the sound and it makes him laugh even more._

_“Maybe we should,” He says with a growl into her ear and pulls her close once again._

He remembers the way her white dress looked crumpled on the ground that night, telling her it looked much better down there.

 

 

“Rick,” She whispers, bringing him back from his memories. When his eyes meet hers finally all those silly thoughts evade him. They fly from his mind like smoke filtering into the night sky.

Her smile is warm. Tired, but warm.

"Come say hi" she breathes. The sweat is still fresh and beaded on her brow and her hair is standing in all directions. It may have been comical under other circumstances. But laughter seems so far away now. So fucking far. And she looks radiant, if he’s being completely honest. There’s nothing comical about the glow on her skin or the smile in her eyes.

And it makes him remember their first night together. The same messy hair and same warm smile. The way his heart stammered and stuttered under her touch. She looked radiant then too. No, radiant wasn’t the right word for that. She looked like an angel. A hellcat. A magnificent combination of the two.

He crouches to the side of the cot, still not looking at the baby. He can’t yet. He isn’t ready to fall in love with her. But he wants to. So badly he wants it. To hold the child, HIS child, in his arms and love her just as he did Carl and Judith. But his heart aches in ways he never knew it could. And he’s not sure if all the pieces are still there to be mended.

"Beth...I don't know if I can." The sting of tears began to prickle at his eyes but he pushes them away with a fake smile that probably looked like a grimace.

 

"She looks like you." Beth says, ignoring his words, before she pulls the little bundle loose and exposes the tiny baby's face.

 

His looks down to see his own eyes are looking back at him and something tugs in his chest. This tiny thing pulling every string inside him, tying the frayed ends together and putting him back in place instantly, and all from one little glance.

It’s a rush of emotion that flows quickly through his body and bubbles up in his chest, the tears he doesn't know he is spilling are falling to the blankets while Beth strokes his cheek and whispers soothingly to him.

But he has no idea what she's saying. This baby...HIS baby is looking at him with eyes so innocent and bright he can't concentrate in anything else.

“She’s beautiful.” He whispers and touches the little round cheek.

“She is,” Beth agrees and moves to hand the baby to him.

“Judith will love her…” He struggles, “Carl too.” He nods.

He watches a tear fall from Beth’s eye and he shakes his head, “I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t.” She interrupts and places the child in his waiting hands.

They sit in silence for a long time, just staring into each others eyes. He can see Beth’s eyes beginning to droop. The adrenaline is wearing off and exhaustion is finally setting in.

“Sleep. I’ll stay with her.” He kisses her forehead and begins to stand.

 

“Lily.” Beth mumbles weakly. And Rick’s head snaps up.  

 

His heart swells and aches at the same time.

 

He smiles as his breath is pushed from his lungs. It burns.

 

_“Daddy, this is Lily. Carl says she’s gots a stupid name, but I think Lily is beautiful,” A four year old Judith dances around Rick’s legs holding the baby rag doll Daryl had gotten her in her arms.  “Uncle Daryl even said it was a good name.” She skips in circles around him waiting for an answer. Rick chuckles and takes Judith in his arms. “I think it’s the perfect name.”_

 

 

He nods to Beth, her smile saying a thousand things to him.

“Yeah, Lily…” He agrees and holds baby Lily a little tighter.

 

He sits for a long while, holding Lily close to his chest, while humming the lullaby Beth used to sing to Judith. Beth is a sleeping beauty, even on the flimsy cot with stained blankets and he wishes he could lay beside her. Hold both of his girls at once. Hold them and tell them he won’t ever let anything happen to them.

 

_“Dad, you think marriage is stupid right?” Carl asks and Rick can see the concern all over his face._

_“What makes you think that?” Rick replies._

_“Well it didn’t work out so well the first time…” Carl hangs his head a little._

_“Nah, marriage means something Carl. It means everything. Your mom and I….well we just didn’t realize that until it was too late.”_

 

He wants to wrap Beth in his arms and tell her how much he loves her.

Because he does. And even though she knows it, he still wants to tell Beth again and again, because he didn’t tell someone once. When Lori needed those words.

_“Not making that mistake again,”_ He says to himself.

 

He hears a light knock, interrupting his thoughts before they go darker, he’s immediately thankful when Daryl steps into the room.

“Everything’s still secure, double checked all the fences,” He says quietly and hesitates from stepping too far away from the doorway. He glances between a sleeping Beth to Rick a few times, but his curiosity wins.

He peeks over Rick’s arms and sees the little girl sleeping soundly.

“Lily.” Rick says and notices the momentary sadness wash through Daryl’s eyes before he nods with a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“That’s a good one.” He replies and nods again, indicating he’s leaving and that he remembers that name well.

“Gonna go introduce her to her brother and sister,” Rick says before Daryl can get too far. Daryl turns to see Rick’s faint smile and distant eyes.

“Need me to come along?” Daryl asks.

“Nah, maybe just stay with Beth for a bit?” Ricks asks without looking up from the little bundle in his arms.

Daryl replies by setting his bow down next to the cot.

 

 

 

 

 

The yard has been clear of Walkers for months now and the fences in place are secure. He walks through the grass until he finds the spot. The small tended to area where two hand-made, weather worn crosses protrude from the earth.

He knees feel weak already.

“Wanted you to meet your new sister…” He says before he can even come to a complete halt. And as if he ran straight into a brick wall, something catches in his throat preventing any other words from forming.  His heart lurches and he staggers for a moment as a memory jumps to the forefront of his mind. The memory he begged to stay away today.

_“JUDITH!! RUN!! CARL GET DOWN!!”_

Screaming voices, kids crying, and gunshots echo through his mind and he shakes his head vigorously, trying to get them to stop.

 

He sits on the dew covered ground and cries. It’s not the deep sobbing that he’d done here before. Tonight he simply cries. Maybe he’s holding back not wanting to wake the baby, or maybe it just doesn't hurt the same anymore. He’s not sure, but soon his eyes dry out and he looks at Lily’s face. He sees Carl and Judith there, sees himself and Beth. And for a minute he can almost pretend nothing had went wrong.

 

_“Brothers are boring, Daddy.”  Judith’s little voice chimes against his chest as she hugs him._

_“Carl’s just in a bad mood today, sweetie.” He pushes her hair from her forehead and places a quick kiss there._

 

He imagines Judith’s eyes lighting up with excitement hearing she has a sister, not another brother. And she’s dancing around Rick’s legs and begging to hold Lily. And he can see Carl’s smile, the real smile, the one he usually only wore when Judith was around. But he would smile now just as bright. He’d be the best big brother all over again.

Rick flicks at the sheriffs hat hanging from the cross.

“Tell your momma I love her, Carl. Kiss Judith for me. And give a hug to Hershel. Beth’s missin’ her daddy right now…” Rick says and turns to the rag doll lying against the second cross. “I miss you baby girl. Keep an eye on your brother up there. Keep an eye on us down here too, okay?”

Lily begins to stir and Rick can hear the moans of a Walker at the fence. He stands and brushes off the dirt from his jeans with his free hand and hesitates before turning away.

“We’ll be back tomorrow when it’s warmer.” He says to the graves and walks slowly back towards the house.

 

Lily is crying be the time he returns to the room. Daryl is sitting on the floor, leaning against the cot, talking softly to Beth, who looks like she needs hours and hours of more sleep.

He’s not sure how long he’s been out there. But from the bit of light peeking on the horizon he’s guessing it’s been quite a while.

“Hi,” She whispers and holds out her arms. Rick wonders for a moment if she’s reaching for the baby or him. It’s probably both. He’s sure she can see the redness of his eyes and the streaks of tears on his dirty face. So he leans down and kisses her forehead, but keeps Lily tucked in his arms.

He bounces her a little bit, shushing her and rocking from side to side.

“Daryl, can you help me up?” Beth asks and Rick immediately begins to protest.

“This cot sucks, Rick. I need to get up.” She laughs lightly, “That chair will be more comfortable to nurse in anyway.”

Daryl all but carries her to the chair with Beth reminding him her legs work the entire way. He chuckles and says something about there being bear traps hidden in the floor boards.

“Can’t chance it,” He says and sets her on the rocker. Beth laughs lightly and thanks him.

“Need anything?” Daryl turns to Rick. But Rick is too focused on the whimpering baby to hear.

Daryl leaves, closing the door behind him.

Lily whines and wiggles in his arms again and he knows he needs to hand her to Beth, but he can’t seem to. This tiny little thing, crying so quietly like she knows already not to make much noise, has him unable to let go.

“Rick?” Beth whispers and sees the tears brimming in his eyes once again.

 

_“Daddy, I want to have 5 babies. And they all be girls. Just like me. I can play with them and we’ll be pretty. And Uncle Daryl can teach them to hunt so they’ll be cool like him too.” Judith says while Rick is trying to get her to settle down for bed._

_“Five babies is a lot,” He smiles. “Don’t think Daryl will be able to handle five.”_

_“No, five babies is perfect. There was five babies here ‘fore. And I liked them all.”_

_“We all liked them sweetheart. But babies grow up. Just like you have. You were a baby once.” He fluffs the little girl’s hair in his hands and pats the pillow beneath her head. But her wide eyes tell him she has no intention of falling asleep yet._

_“And Momma Beth taked care of me.”_

_“Yeah,” He looks to the blonde standing in the doorway for a moment before smiling back at Judith, “She did a real good job.”_

_“I like Momma Beth. You should marry her so she can be my real momma.”_

 

“We should have gotten married a long time ago, Beth,” He whispers and places Lily into her waiting arms.

She doesn't respond at first, just nestles Lily to her breast.

 

“Time wasn't right Rick,” She says casually but he feels the weight of her words.

 

_“What are we supposed to do now?” Beth sobs into his chest. “Oh Rick, I’m so sorry…” She wails._

_He doesn't try to sooth her. They just cry huddled together near the fresh graves._

 

 

“I miss them.” She whispers while stroking Lily’s dark hair. It’s thick and he remembers reading something about morning sickness and babies with a lot of hair.

“I know.” He mumbles and they fall silent.

 

Lily falls asleep quickly once her belly is full and Rick holds her again. Her little fingers curl around his thumb and he finds it hard to believe she’s only a few hours old. He feels like he’s known her his entire life. He hums to her while Beth rocks in the chair. It’s squeaky and creeks the floor with every pass. But it’s peaceful and for the first time in years Rick’s heart feels incredibly full.

Rick can hear birds starting to chirp and they sky is getting light quick. The sight makes him realize just how tired he is.

“Let’s go, you need to get some sleep,” He helps Beth to her feet with his free hand and walks her from the room.

Maggie and Glen re-gifted the bassinet Rick had given them and it’s sitting next to their bed. Rick tucks the baby into the blankets before he pulls his shirt over his head.

He pulls Beth onto his chest once they lay down and holds her tight. Just like he’s wanted to do all night.

“I love you Beth.” He speaks softly into the top of her head before planting a few kisses there.

“I know. I love you too,” She kisses his chest and wraps her arm tighter around his body. “We’re going to be okay.” She whispers and he’s not sure if she’s saying it to him or herself.

“I can’t promise that, Beth.” He chokes.

“Don’t expect you to.” She yawns and nestles in closer.

“I love you.” He whispers again and waits for her to fall asleep.

 

_“I always wanted to get married outside, but Daddy would have never allowed that,” Beth says. It’s morning and her naked body is wrapped around his. She’s running her fingers through his chest hair idly while she speaks._

_“Think he’d be okay with it now.” Rick says while tracing his fingers up and down her back. “I know a pretty spot not too far from here…” He trails off waiting._

_She picks up on it instantly._

_“Are you asking me to marry you, Mr. Grimes?” Her eyes are wide and excited and he can’t help but laugh._

_“I should do it proper, maybe put on some pants…” He chuckles and runs his knuckles across her cheek._

_He doesn't get a chance to move. Beth’s lips are on his instantly and she’s straddling him before he can protest._

 

Rick falls asleep shortly after Beth with a small smile on his lips. 

The first few pages of his new book are now filled. They are scrawled with bloody letters and happy tears. But the blank pages, those are the ones that scare him. It might not end up being a fairy tale, and he sure as hell knows he can’t promise a happy ending, but he can deal with the cards they are dealt. And for now, maybe that is good enough.  


End file.
